Week 3
Try out a gains and losses activity with your partner (click on the image to open up the activity)
We usually imagine that a baby will bring only joy and delight. However, in reality it is more complicated. Providing good care for your baby means that you and your partner cannot do some of the things that you were free to do before becoming parents. It can be surprising to realise how important these were and how much they are missed.
Mothers provide most infant care and often feel that they have lost more than the baby's father has. Each person misses different things, and it helps to name them so you can talk about them. The first task is to work out what each of you feels has been lost in becoming parents and the next is to compare these and see where the similarities and differences are.
It is then important to talk together about which things have gone forever, which things can be found again, perhaps in a different way, and then to identify the unique experiences that parenthood brings. Mums and dads need to look after each other.
Source: https://www.whatwerewethinking.org.au/parents/losses-and-gains
Good family relationships help your children feel secure and loved.
They help you feel good too.
Parenthood is a time of change and learning. You might not always get it right. Give yourself space to grow. This means being gentle in your expectations of yourself and others.
No matter what is going on, you’re not alone. There are people who can support you.
When you talk to your partner try to:
Find the right time: choose times to talk when there are no distractions, and when you both feel calm
Be clear about what you want to say
Be honest, and talk about what you want, need and feel (Use ‘I’ statements e.g. ‘I need,’ ‘I feel’)
Listen to your partner and try to understand their intentions, feelings, and needs
Share positive feelings about what you appreciate and admire about them
Remember that it is ok to disagree.
HELPFUL RESOURCES
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Video from this lesson and more information on changes to your relationship:
https://raisingchildren.net.au/grown-ups/videos/your-relationship -
Information on healthy communication with your partner: https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
The What were we thinking? website and app have information about changes that happen when you become a new parent. It also gives ideas about ways of thinking about and managing these changes.
For advice on maintaining a healthy relationship in early parenting:
For information on how to strengthen your relationship whether you’re together or going through separation or divorce:
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Relationships Australia
Domestic and family violence - controlling and violent relationships
Forms of domestic violence: https://1800respect.org.au/
1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) is the national domestic, family and sexual violence counselling, information and support service.
This is also a phone app called Daisy (for general population) and Sunny (for women with disability)
Lifeline (131 114)
Contact a domestic violence support service
Speak to your GP or Child & Family Health Nurse
IN DANGER CALL 000
WHAT ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA?
How might social media affect the way you feel about yourself as a parent and your relationships?
Comparing yourself with others is not always helpful. Everyone’s personalities and situations are different.
Focusing on what you hoped for, and comparing this to where you are is not helpful for moving forward.
What we see on social media is an end product
